Spain
February 2013

Assault in Aranjuez: The Story Goes On

Barry and Margaret Williamson

Read the full story of the original incident in Aranjuez on this website at: Assault in Aranjuez

Dan, better known to his friends as 'Dan the Man in the Van from a Scottish Klan', was last heard of on a remote beach in the south of Sicily. Although of no fixed abode (except for the time his van broke down in the Black Forest), he is still in touch with his native country despite its attempt to achieve independence. Indeed, he has just written that the English language edition of the Glasgow 'Express' (also translated as 'Flier') has published its version of the events of 20 February in the Prince's Garden in Aranjuez.

Despite Lord Justice Leveson's deep, widespread and expensive enquiry into Press intrusion and distortion, it seems that stories are still being 'sexed up' and made potentially libellous. As for hacking, how did the paper obtain a copy of our original email?

Here is the newspaper story, as relayed by Dan:

“Spanish authorities are still reeling from an attempted assault earlier this week by International Velo Warriors, Barry and Margaret Williamson, as they carried out a full frontal raid on the Royal Park at Aranjuez, in an attempt to 'walk their bicycles' through the park.

Authorities believe they may well have planned to 'picnic' in the area, as sinister black 'panniers' were seen strapped to their deadly machines. Police sources say these may have contained some nice 'sandwiches', a 'chockie bic' or two ... possibly even a deadly 'thermos of tea'.

Timing their assault to perfection during mid-siesta (1 - 5 pm Spanish time), and wearing their traditional neo-fascist uniforms, the Yellow Jackets pounced at the main gates of the park, with the obvious intention of 'having a jolly time of it'.

Had it not been for the timely intervention of Scunthorpe-based Special Agents Senor A. Nonymous & Senora M.Y. Jobsworth  ... they may well have gotten away with their deadly plan.

With a bold cry of 'Oi, you ... on yer bike and yeah ... you can sling yer 'ook too', the fearless Nonymous soon had the deadly duo racing for the nearest Tourist Office to make a quick getaway, and make an official complaint.

Interpol has sent out a request for information on the whereabouts of these deadly Velo Warriors, and until they are apprehended & tucked up safely in bed with a nice hot cup of cocoa … NO ONE IS SAFE !!!!!!”

Thanks, Dan, for letting us know how we are seen amongst the Glaswegian cognoscenti.

Here are some comments from people who make comments:

Caravanner and Land Rover Test-driver Martin Jeffes, writing from his fastness as creator, owner and manager of Camping Sakar Hills in the far southeast of Bulgaria, suggested that we form a gang 'The Black Panniers' - or that Margaret gave Barry less vitamins.

Joe McNally, Cyclist and Author, wrote: 'Goodness knows why some people get so riled by cyclists...baffling.' He also made the sensible suggestion that we fitted a helmet camera.

Motorhomer Cynthia wrote from Sicily: 'Nice one.'

Motorhomer Viv wrote from Greece: 'Good on ya.'

Motorhomer Ian wrote from Greece: 'Spain sounds so interesting we are planning to visit next season.'

Motorhomer Dan, still in Sicily and having thought the whole thing through, wrote: 'Always look on the bright side of life.'

Cyclist Ruby wrote from Perth (Western Australia): 'We have a tale, not quite as virile as that, more frustrating.'

Retired Motorhomer Kaye wrote: 'Wowee - what a jobsworth plonker.'

Retired Nuclear Physicist Brian wrote: 'It's surprising what being given a little bit of authority over others can do to some people!'

Senior Academic Christine wrote: 'We had our first trip to Spain this year - wonderful. Interesting to hear this other side of things.'

Artist, Traveller and Restaurateur Sally wrote from San Rafael, California: 'The British royalty seems to behave a lot better than the Spanish. Or they know how to fake it better. I hope you get at least an apology from the uppity prince. I have never understood how people can think they are so special when they did nothing except be born. Oh well, it was ever thus. I hope you are having your usual good times except for the Spanish arrogance.'

Former Student Jonathan wrote: 'By 'eck Baz, “resisted initial attack” sounds interesting and worthy of a soundtrack.'

Motorhomer Brian wrote: 'The guy is what we used to call a jobsworth'.

Motorhomer and Round-the-World Yachtsman Bob wrote from Florida: 'You guys manage to lead an exciting life.'